Luji started Kindergarten yesterday. The Big K.
Over the years, I've listened with awe as my friends and colleagues talked about the intense feelings they experienced on their kids first day of kindergarten. In fact, I remember distinctly the deep emotion expressed by one of my childhood friends on her son's first day of school. Yes, I have always listened and hugged and empathized, taking comfort in knowing that I would not react that way when it was time for my kid to go to school. Not me.
Ahem.
Turns out I didn't even make it to the first day of school. I was a wreck the day before school started. I of course had no idea why I was so off balance all that day. No idea why nothing felt quite settled - except time with Luji which somehow always seems to bring me back towards center. It wasn't until yesterday morning rolled around that I felt myself let go. Relax. Breathe.
And then yesterday came and went. Happily. Without a hitch. I didn't even cry. Luji certainly didn't cry, and of course her daddy just beamed with pride. We all smiled. Big. We were too happy and excited for the start of this new chapter to cry. Too happy. Just like that day in China, four and a half years ago, when Luji's nannies placed a perfect 9 month old bright-eyed child in our arms. We didn't cry then either (which is saying a lot for me!).
Thank goodness I got it all out of my system early! It left me free to enjoy the moment and relish the joy of my little uniformed daughter holding my hand and bouncing down the hall to her classroom. That bouncy little body is home to a wise-souled little girl who has an uncanny ability to take everything in stride with her innate, unabated enthusiasm and exuberance.
The first day of kindergarten turned a page in our lives, just as it has for millions of families through the years. And I think I finally understand how it feels to experience that intense emotion, watching my child take steps into the unknown of school life, smiling as she walks in, takes her seat, and trusts the universe to take care of the rest. I'm proud to be a part of that trust, and nothing means more to me than being a part of her universe.
I understand that it's not about losing that little kid you love or pining for the sweetness of those toddler moments that will never return. For me, it was (and is) about embracing the moment, sharing hugs and smiles, and celebrating the awesome power of one child's hold on my heart.
We were all smiles yesterday. And I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
